Using Gendered Pronouns
This short resource is designed for those who would like a gentle introduction into using gendered pronouns. Although you may be familiar with the pronouns ‘she/her’ and ‘he/him’, you might need guidance on using other pronouns such as ‘they/them’. In this resource I will also cover; the difference between sex characteristics and gender, proof of more than two genders, examples of transphobic micro-aggressions, and how to correct yourself or others when mis-gendering occurs.
What are Gendered Pronouns?
Gendered pronouns include (but are in no way limited to!) she/her/hers/herself, he/him/his/himself, they/them/theirs/themselves.
As a cultural standard in the UK, we assign gender and pronouns at birth as either female (she) or male (he) based on sex characteristics at birth.
How are sex characteristics and gender different?
Sex characteristics are the physical traits of an organism which are usually indicative of its biological sex.
Gender is a social construct relating to behaviours and attributes. This social construct often translates into gender stereotypes which lead people into feeling, acting or dressing in certain ways to fit in with social norms, often to avoid judgement or harm.
Gender Identity is one's own internal sense of self and their gender, for example; woman, man, transgender, gender-conconforming, queer and endless more.
Gender Expression is a person's behaviour, mannerisms, interests, and appearance that are associated with their gender.
What proof is there of more than two genders?
Intersex people exist outside of the biological binary of gender and Transgender people exist outside of the social binary of gender. This by itself proves that there are more than two genders.
Intersex People
One of the most obvious problems with assigning gender to people at birth based on their sex characteristics, this is that not everyone’s biological sex (their X and Y chromosomes) align with their sex characteristics. Doctors sort Intersex people into ‘female’ or ‘male’ despite them not biologically fitting into either.
Fact: Intersex people are not rare. Around 1.7% of the US population is born with intersex traits – comparable to the number of people born with red hair.
If you wish to learn more about this section, see below:
Science Proves There are More than Two Human Sexes – SciShow
What It's Like To Be Intersex – As/Is
What's It Like To Be Intersex? – Minutes with UNILAD
HI I'M INTERSEX #firstvlog – pidge pagonis
Transgender or Gender Non-Conforming People
Gender identity or gender expression do not always correspond with the gender someone is assigned with at birth. This community currently falls under the umbrella term ‘transgender’. People whose gender identity and expression does align with their assigned gender are ‘cisgender’.
Cis people, trans people, and Intersex people can all take part in the gender binary (woman/man). Some may not, and class themselves as non-binary. Within the trans umbrella there are an endless amount of labels to describe someone’s gender.
Some people use multiple types of pronouns and often list these in preference, such as; they/she, he/they, he/she/they.
How do we mis-gender people outside of the binary?
Intersex and Transgender people are often mis-gendered because we are assumed to be a woman or a man. This assumption is usually based on whether a certain individual deems our physical appearance as either feminine or masculine.
Along with this assumption of gender there are assumptions of what pronouns a person uses. The most simple solution to avoid making a false assumption is to ask people their pronouns.
What is a transphobic microaggression?
A transphobic microaggression is a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalised group.
Transphobic microaggressions harm trans people. What may seem like a small comments can have a massive negative impact on trans people who have been harmed by transphobia across their life-time.
What are some examples?
Calling someone a gentleman or using ‘sir’ when you haven’t asked that person if those labels apply to them.
Telling a trans person they are ‘confused’ about their gender. Or calling they/them pronouns ‘incorrect language’.
Consistently using the incorrect pronouns, even unintentionally.
Implying that getting someone’s pronouns wrong is a ‘minor’ transphobic act, and therefore not a serious issue.
Using words like ‘regular’ or ‘normal’ as synonym for heterosexual or cis-gender.
Asking trans people to explain gender to you.
One of the major things people will do is defend themselves after making a mistake. For example, asking a leading questions such as ‘you don’t think I’m a bad person do you?’ which pressures the trans person to console the cis person for being insecure about being seen as a bad person. Getting someone’s pronouns wrong does feel bad, but be careful not to push that discomfort onto the person you may have harmed.
What do we do when we or others get it wrong?
Correct yourself as soon as you realise you’ve used the incorrect pronoun. This may look like: ‘oops! they went to the shops’. One of the best ways to train yourself into getting it right, is to re-start any sentence in which you have used an incorrect pronoun.
After making a mistake, don’t apologise excessively (more than once).
If you notice someone using the incorrect pronouns when speaking about someone who is public about these different pronouns, gently correct them. You can be an ally whether they are in the room or not.
If someone corrects you, try not to be defensive or justify your mistake. Thank them and move on.
In group settings, or when meeting new people, start by introducing yourself with your pronouns. By doing so, you are creating a safe / neutral space for trans people to share theirs.
In a professional work space, if someone is refusing to use the correct pronouns, or to respect someone’s gender identity, or chooses to share transphobic beliefs at work, report them to your line manager, HR or whoever you deem appropriate.
More questions?
Talk to other cis-people that are more informed.
Attend training around gender and pronouns when available.
Read more on reputable websites such as: https://nonbinary.wiki/
Hiya! If you are a member of one of the above mentioned communities and you’ve noticed I’ve made an error or used the incorrect language in the above text, I would really appreciate an email letting me know so I can improve this. You can email me here: enniswelbourne@gmail.com, thank you!
